How Prayer Prepared me for an Unexpected Birth Experience: Comparisons to Birthing From Within Childbirth Preparation

Over the summer, I had the pleasure of attending an incredible birth class, taught by the wise, Shelley Rahim, a seasoned doula, childbirth educator, and amazing chef.  (Many of my client's will recognize her from my favorite postpartum book referral, Nurture You: 10 easy Steps to a Happy and Healthy Postpartum, and will have enjoyed her lactation chai)

I have been drawn to Shelley’s work for some time in her focus on “mothering the mother” in postpartum care, and in her Birthing from Within approach to childbirth preparation.  This approach, created by Pam England, is different from typical childbirth education which more or less centers the teacher. Birthing from Within, as the name suggests, centers the mother, holding within her what she needs to guide her on her unique birth journey.  While the class still teaches all the standards of childbirth education it elevates the importance of women and indeed a couple’s self reflection and connection in seeking to awaken the wisdom and guidance within through this profound rite of passage.

This is something I have desired to elevate in my work as well, and that I learned the significance of in my first birth experience (more on that below).  In Birthing from Within, expectant parents are guided to take time to reflect on their "heart question(s)" surrounding birth and the process of becoming a mother through journaling and art. The idea of the "heart question" is that it is unique to each person. It may be, "Who am I now?" "Who am I becoming?" "What do I need to know to give birth?" "What will it be like?" "Who is this baby?" etc.. For me, as a Christian, these "hearts questions" are prayers. I love working with clients of all backgrounds and know that this kind of reflection has the potential to hold deep wisdom for all. At the very least, it can help us step away from the noise of the virtual world, and get real with ourself about what we actually fear, hope, desire etc. (As well as step away from fears that don't belong to us that are fed via algorithms..)

Attending this class recharged my belief in inner work and prayer as powerful birth preparation. I was brought back to my birth story and would like to tell it to give an intimate illustration of how prayer served one mother--me. It is highly nuanced as all birth stories are and I am looking forward to providing space for more mom's to tell their stories here soon!

Before I tell it, I want to say something about listening to birth stories.  Some people want to hear all the stories and possibilities in favor or knowing what to realistically expect, regardless of how much fear or anxiety certain ones may elicit.  Conversely, in the Hypnobirthing world, you are to avoid negative birth stories to help keep you in a positive, fear free state leading up to labor.  I think either of these on their own is imbalanced.  Ideally, you would hear stories from people who have processed and integrated their birth story no matter how they unfolded.  Then you would hear not simply stories of cause and effect and outcome, but stories of women's strength, doubt, resilience, surrender, growth, acceptance, love and much more. 

So this is my first birth story--

I was a spiritually zealous 25 year old when I became pregnant with my first son.  I was so excited.  Life was growing in me!  I had witnessed my nephew’s birth a couple of years prior, which was a smooth, hospital birth with an epidural, and it had erased all the fear of childbirth I had previously had.  Eager to prepare for birth, I sought out books and resources on natural, unmedicated childbirth.  I came across a pretty radical Christian birth book called, “Supernatural Childbirth” that told stories of pain free childbirth with the theological belief that the curse of suffering in childbirth had been broken through Christ’s redemptive work.  (For those wondering about this, I recommend checking out this wonderful discussion video on the etymology and possible theology of that passage here).  I started to believe that this was a possibility–I could believe for a natural, pain free birth.  I know this will sound wild to some folks, and other’s might actually be in that place themselves–in any case, some people do experience pain free births without epidurals (Though I have yet to witness one after supporting over 40 births).

Anyway, my due time was getting closer. We took Bradley Method classes, which prepared us for what to expect in the hospital and how to advocate.  I entered my 3rd trimester feeling confident I would have a smooth, unmedicated labor, because I trusted my body and had no fear of birth.

In hindsight, I was naive to the nuances of birth, but thankfully I had a prayer life.  Throughout my pregnancy I had gone to my quiet place to pray.  I would sit in stillness, opening up to God what was on my heart, asking for guidance and seeking His presence.

The spirit of a person is the lamp of the Lord, searching all the innermost parts of one's being. Proverbs 20:27

Most of the time I wouldn't "hear" anything, but sometimes I would get a thought, wiser than my own, regarding it later on in the day.

I don’t remember the exact words or thoughts I had this particular day, but I do remember the answer I got.  It was something like “Be prepared for this to be much harder/more painful than you think.”  And surprisingly, this made me more curious than afraid.  I trusted it as godly council and therefore good.  This came weeks before I went into labor, so basically in the nick of time after an entire pregnancy of absolute positive thinking around birth.

Shelley Rahim says that birth is a part of the adult maturation process which includes holding paradox-two or more things being true at once-- I was entering into this.  I didn’t fear birth at all, but I had this timely insight that it would be much much harder than I had previously thought (which I know sounds crazy--most people go into birth prep worried about how hard and painful it will be). I did a google search on suffering in birth (I honestly wouldn't recommend that to my clients) and found a story of a woman who had gone into what she knew would be a difficult, medically challenging birth with the question of how to offer up her suffering to God. She found her answer in a very difficult but mystical labor experience, listening to Tupac Shakur, and joining in Christ's love with the suffering of the world. Damn. For me, a lover of the mystics, this possibility of spiritual growth thru the pain of birth excited, but also sobered me.  Before that I had felt confident in my ability to birth, but now I also felt a curious surrender to the story that was about to play out, however it went (though to be sure, I still assumed it would be an unmedicated, vaginal birth) birthing this precious baby, guided by the Author of Life.

When I went into labor, things progressed to an intense, active state fast.  I was able to breath and move through my contractions, get to the hospital and cope throughout labor with my husband beside me as my strong, loving support.  

I am proud of how much I rocked my unmedicated birth. But after pushing for 6 hours (part of that time before I was fully dilated), the doctor came in and said she was seeing concerning heart rate dips that were showing the potential for serious distress. I had kept taking off the monitor bands (because they bothered me so much) and they didn't know how long these dips had been happening. I had to make a decision I had not been prepared to make--I had not entertained the idea of having a Caesarean previously.  I gave my consent to proceed, not willing to risk the possibility of injury to my baby.  As hard as labor had been, this unexpected turn was the hardest part.

I now see how that Holy Spirit guidance prepared me for this shock. In that moment I felt like my body failed, grief over not getting to push my baby out, confused and discouraged, and yet I was also able to surrender in the midst of it, release my birth plan, and look for what was needed in the next moment, in this unfolding story . When I got to the operating room I was met with such kindness and honor by the staff.  They encouraged me in this surreal moment , saying, “Wow, you are amazing”  “You worked so hard” and honored all I had been through.  I can honestly say I had a beautiful C section.  I cried when I heard my baby’s cry.  I was present for his birth, even though it was not the way I had wanted it to be.  It was the most beautiful moment of my life.

I am so thankful I heeded the still small voice, who I know as God.  I believe it would have been a much harder, traumatic experience if I hadn’t had that sobering insight. Although I did have to work through a good deal of fear and self doubt with my 2nd pregnancy, prayer once again led me right where I needed to be in the nick of time for that one too and I had a wonderful VBAC (vaginal birth after caesarean).

Each of us is on our own journey of birth and motherhood. We deepen our connection to ourselves, our baby, and God/intuition by asking those heart questions and giving space to reflect and grow.  My business is called Sacred Journey Childbirth, because of the power and beauty of birth as a catalyst for growth–for growing new life, and for growing as a person, a mother, a father, a family. 

---

This experience has informed my work in a few ways.  

For one, I encourage my clients to explore their fears, their hopes, and their anxieties.  I encourage time to pray or reflect.  I am learning from Shelly and Birthing from Within, to have clients sit with their “heart questions” regarding their birth and sometimes to use a birth labyrinth –which I have written about here.  I believe in mother’s innate wisdom, if we just provide the space and time to draw it out.  

Second, I work to prepare my clients for the mystery of birth–for the unexpected.  Birth is all about surrender.  I believe our bodies are Divinely designed to grow, birth, and nurture our babies, just like a fig tree is designed to produce fruit in summertime–unfortunately we don’t live in a perfect world with perfect balance in which everything works optimally. That's true in our bodies, in the environment, and in man made systems, although we can and should work to help improve all of these aspects of life.

We are very fortunate to live in a time of medical advancements that can and do save lives.  So when we talk about birth plans, I talk about preparing for the possibility of a Caesarean birth, just in case.   It’s better to confront our fears than to avoid them.  And we don't just talk about how to avoid interventions but about how sometimes they may be helpful and needed and how to make informed decisions all along the way. Here is Shelley demonstrating what to expect in case of a Caesarean birth, showing partners how to be a wonderful support in this situation as well.

Supported Caesarean Demonstration

I am happy to say that I have witnessed many moms who developed their inner guidance/spiritual wisdom and intuition (as well as trust in their birth team and their informed decision making chops) have positive birth experiences with all kinds of births: smooth unmedicated birth, medicated birth, unmedicated birth turned hospital transfer, unexpected c sections, and inductions. Becuase positive birth stories don't automtaically equal--pain free, or unmedicated, or even smooth. It has everything to do with the mindset and "heartset" we fortify ourselves with on the journey. Be on the look out for some of those stories coming soon!

And let me leave you with what Shelley gives to her students to explore their heart's questions. Just click on the image for this wonderful resource!

`